Here’s a story about Melissa and her occasional bouts of idealistic selfishness. I have no idea if that is actually what I want to say, but what I mean is sometimes I want things to fit an ideal I have instead of a much more likely reality. I make up these scenarios in my head; we’ll call them the Perfect Day. And even as I write this a tiny little voice in the back of my selfish human head is telling me not to worry; that I’ll have one someday. And to her I say ‘Bitch, please.’
I had one of these thoughts about how my first Valentine’s Day as a married woman would be. I have never had a ‘typical’ Valentine’s Day, even through the years my husband and I dated. I figured this was my year! I thought I would wake up and my husband would make me waffles, give me a wonderful present, we would take our birds to the vet (They had an appointment available and Tuesdays are my hubby’s and my day off together, and it’s much easier to cart 4 birds off to the vet with 2 people. It’s not that’s my idea of a dreamy romantic activity. I feel I need to stress this.), we would go for a scenic drive through an area we were thinking we might like to move to in the future, then we would have dinner at our favorite restaurant where we had reservations. And it goes without saying that the night would end with magnificent sex. Right? Right. And all of this would happen in the rosiest way possible, with no dampers or rough moments or anything other than happiness and bliss. Idealist. And looking back at it from here, that imaginary scenario more-or-less played out. I’m here picturing it as we speak…Perfect fluffy homemade waffles with strawberries and whipped cream, a smooth vet visit, a gorgeous piece of jewelry with some sort of sentimental reason it was chosen, and a fabulous drive around a new city. Then, a delicious meal. Then mind-blowing sex. The kind where you both get off and can’t stop smiling when you’re finished. Here’s what happened.
My husband slept until nearly 11am and I was awake for several hours. We had waffles from off-brand Bisquik and frozen strawberries. We ran out of whipped cream.
There was a gift. It was a box of chocolates from an upscale farmers market. The selection was chosen by hubby, and most of the things he picked I dislike. At the time I felt ungrateful due to the amount of time we have been togther. He should know what I like and don’t like! I barely eat things like this. What will I do with 2 pounds of chocolate? If I were to eat 2 pounds of chocolate, they should at least be in my preferred flavors.
We realized all the things we needed to pay for at the vet we wouldn’t be able to afford and ended up rescheduling the appointment. (It wasn’t a dire thing…everyone is perfectly fine.)
We went for a drive, but Hubby was driving erratically which notched my stress up to a high level as we nearly got into several potential accidents. We are fine. Everyone is fine. We don’t get to where we wanted to go until it’s dusk and we can’t explore adequately.
We make it to our dinner reservation and have an amazing meal. Seriously. I love that place. Best food ever. Apollo Grill in Bethlehem, PA. If you’re around that area, get a reservation and check it out.
The drive home was equally stressful, with Hubby’s vibes pushing the stress level back up. He doesn’t know what is wrong, nor is he open to any solutions. We were able to edit together on my manuscript a little bit, which lowered the stress level some.
There was no sex.
So here I am looking back at this day, and I see all the places I was ungrateful. I see how my scorn and lack of appreciation is truly unfounded. My husband went above and beyond what he has done in the past. He tried his best to live up to an expectation I held for him that he has never been able to attain. He got really close because he wanted to make me happy. And life is going to creep in on all your idealist fantasies. The point here is, I love my husband, and he loves me. We balance each other out. I recognize that he has not been getting enough sleep some nights because he is working full time and going to school full time as well, so he is going to value getting to bed over having a sex sesh. The drive wasn’t necessarily the ideal mood, but I could have put more effort into calming him instead of playing into the panicked stressed out frustrated mood. Due to his sleeping so late, we didn’t have enough time for our drive. But I would rather have an alert well-rested man than a tired one for several hours of driving. I don’t care for a lot of the chocolates he picked, but his logic for picking them was spot on, and that gives me more of an initiative to share. I preferred the quick waffles because then we were able to spend more time eating them and enjoying that together. And even now as I write this I am still feeling disappointed. But here’s the thing. Not all days are going to go the way you want them to, and the sooner you learn that the sooner you’ll be able to lighten the load of resentments. Resentment is a love killer.
I will always forgive my husband, and I hope that he will extend to me that same courtesy. I have said before in this blog and my hubby and I don’t have the perfect sex life, and we are working on that, too. We are aware of the problem and taking steps to fix it every time it comes up. I expressed my dissatisfaction, and he understood it, giving me a logical reason why things needed to be the way they are. Again. Things will not go your way all the time. I looked at the situation and how much stress he was experiencing and decided that this was a time to cut some slack. As soon as he’s through the harder part of his week, I’m sure we will find time to connect. Compromise is a good feeling.
This post got a little disjointed. The point I’m trying to make is that nothing needs to be perfect to be ideal. My ideal life is one where I’m in love with my husband and he is in love with me. If that means I don’t get to indulge all my selfish desires, then that’s just as well. All you need is love.
Questions? Comments? Wanna tell me I’m wrong about it all? I’m all ears, folks! Comment section is where it always is.