So for a quick second you’re going to sit there are think ‘Melissa what do GOALS have to do with LOVE? This blog is called LOVE-CENTRIC!’ And I’m gonna say ‘Everything.’ Seriously, guys. Goals are everything. I say love is everything, but goals, too. They’re also everything.
There are 100,000 ways to apply having goals in your life. Everything you want or need, everything you have or don’t. I am a goal oriented person. My goals span from 10 year, to the hour. I also have a 5 year, a 2 year, a 1 year, a 3 month, a 1 month, a 2 week, a this week, a 3 day, and a today. If I exceed one it spills into the next. Don’t even think for a second that these goals don’t include my husband and his time as well. They do. Big time. I like to think he loves me for all of my nagging. (Husbands everywhere, can I get a ‘yeah right’.)
Good Goals to have in Love
When I’m not nagging my hubby to put away his shoes or take out the trash, we are busy attempting to reach the goals we have set fourth in our relationship. For us, those goals are many. Many. There are so many things to work on for us as I’m sure there are in any relationship. Relationships change as often as you do, and man, that’s every freakin’ second. Instead of covering every goal in our house, life, and relationship, I’ll just focus on 3 big ones for now.
Questioning that last one? Oh it’s a biggie. So much so I couldn’t possibly cover it all right here right now. Sounds like another future post to me…
So trust. My husband is addicted to porn and food, and has very low self-control. I’ll talk about this in a less light-hearted way in a post in the future when it feels prevalent. His addictions have very nearly destroyed his life and our relationship on many occasions, and yeah, I knew about it going in. Like I said. Different post. Later. You guys gotta warm up with me first. I’ll link here when I write it.
Trust. We work on it all the time by practicing total transparency in our day-to-day activities. I tell him what I think and feel whenever it feels right, and he does the same with me, albeit with a little coaxing. When he lies to me about something, no matter how small, we have come up with a strategy to combat that behavior and build up the strength of our trust. If he lies, he does sit-ups. This way it hurts like punishment, but also does good for his body. (Side-bar, my hubs used to weigh 100lbs more than he does now and we go a little strict. His preference). It’s worked wonders for his pathological lying, and he says its helped him to get to know himself and me better. I would not necessarily recommend the sit-ups thing to every relationship, but transparency is good.
If someone asks how your day was, tell them the things that stick out most in your mind instead of the things you think they want to hear. Honesty reveals our truest selves. Call me controlling. I am. And Adam knew that going in with me, too. He likes and needs the structure. I’m the stressed out uptight nag and he’s the easygoing low-emotion rock. I love him. He loves me. Nobody is perfect, but when we are honest we can more easily navigate through our differences, challenges, and idiosyncrasies.
Next was communication. If there weren’t so many letters in that word, I’d sing it Aretha Franklin style. This is probably the most important part of any relationship. It touches nearly any problem any couple has ever had. Wondering how your man/woman is feeling about something? Ask. Wondering why they do something that they do? Ask. Annoyed by something they have been doing lately? Tell them. Feel like you haven’t heard from them in a while? Strike up a convo. The couples who have the strongest communication usually have the best coping skills with bumps and hiccups. Because guys, it can get ugly.
We’ve all been in one of those fights that you feel like will never end and you just want the sweetness of death to find you. Communication is what’s gonna pull you out of the trenches and place you comfortably back in each other’s arms. Adam and I have had some doozys over our years together. (3 years. Small by comparison but enough to know what the tip of the iceberg is about.)
There is one rule of communication I stole from my parents’ marriage that we use in our everyday life. (My folks have been happily married since the 1980’s.). Adam and I NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY. Even if that means we’re gonna be really tired the next day, sometimes exhaustion pushes us to relent and compromise. We got 3 hours of sleep the night before our wedding because of a huge fight, but I don’t regret it because when I look at our wedding photos and see the tiredness in our eyes, I can see that I married a man who will communicate with me. And practice makes perfect. Just now as I was writing this he texts me to tell me about something related to his food addiction. Communication, people.
The last one was sex. For me and Hubby, sex has always been a rocky road. Remember that time that I told you he’s addicted to porn? Well that’s been a bit of a challenge for us. Regular sex is good for a marriage, and trust and communication will reveal what regular sex means to your particular relationship. I have a friend whose barest minimum is 4x a week. For me I’m happy with an absolute low of twice a month, though I’d prefer about twice a week, lest I get bitchy. Sex feels good, and sex connects you to your partner. When we have stints of more regular sex, we are more affectionate with each other and have an easier time with the communication and the trusting.
All 3 things make a happy relationship trifecta. Me and the man are still working on the regular sex-having, and openness and trust has helped a lot, with both of us being able to talk out our preferences and insecurities and all that juicy stuff. Again, though, that’ll be another time.
I’m not saying that following these guidelines will lead to relationship bliss, but it will at least give you the tool to wade through all the shit and get back to the good times. Because what would the point be if there weren’t good times to be had. I mean…we’re talking about the love of your life, here. Make some happy, people! Make it a goal to implement at least one of these things into your relationship and check out what happens. Should be something good. As always, thanks for listening!
If you’ve got questions or comments or wanna be mean (I’ll probably cry…) you know the section. Be my guest.